When Dad is reluctant to homeschool

For many of my more mainstream friends I am their "friend who homeschools". In the past two months I have received two emails from moms I don't know, but were referred by a friend, who are considering homeschooling. Both emails were very similar.

"I am considering homeschooling my (daughter/son). My husband is dead set against it, but I think it would be best. So I am considering just taking them out of school anyway and beginning to homeschool. Where do you think I should start?"

I personally don't think it is even a viable option. Here is why:

• Homeschooling doesn't happen in an 8am till 3pm setting. It invades every aspect of your life.
  
• Homeschooling requires more time from the educator. If your husband resents the free time you need to take for preparing and planning, well, that is just bad juju.
• The children are going to pick up on Dad's negative feelings, and make your job harder. Rolling boulders uphill each day will really take the joy out of you.
  
• There are expenses to homeschooling, and even though I think they balance out with the things you don't have to purchase when you are homeschooling. You don't want Dad to resent every purchase you make for homeschooling.
• Each parent is just as important, education decisions should be joint decisions that neither party hijacks.

The common denominator here is resentment. No one likes having their rights trampled on and no one will be open minded to an idea that is being forced upon them.

So what is a mom who wants to homeschool to do?

• Open up a dialogue. I would ask for an ongoing series of conversations where you can each research your views and present what you think are the compelling arguments to try to find a compromise. Express how important homeschooling is to you, but offer to be open minded about his point of view as well, and to other solutions (private schools, co-ops, private classes, a charter school).
• Begin researching homeschooling and the benefits. Grab every book you can get your hands on about education and homeschooling specifically. But, also research what are popularly considered to be the pitfalls of homeschooling. A well thought out decision makes a plan for the positives and the negatives. Typically people new to homeschooling worry about socialization. Make sure to research the classes and co-ops (a group that gets together for joint classes) in your area.
  
• Consider joining a group like New Beginnings(click for link) in your area. New Beginnings is a year long, intensive program that prepares you during the first year of homeschooling. But you can of course join if you are considering homeschooling. Devoting your time to educating yourself shows how serious you are about homeschooling. It might help Dad to see that this isn't a whim, but that you are taking it very seriously and that you will have support once you begin.
• Attend a homeschooling conference in your area and ask Dad to attend with you.
• Join a local support group in your area. Most homeschooling families are very open to having you (and Dad) come in and observe what their homeschool looks like and to discuss what the benefits of homeschooling have been for them. Your local support group leader would be able to point you in the direction of a veteran homeschool family.
• If Dad is still really reluctant, ask him if you could "try it out" for a school year.
  
• If Dad isn't comfortable with that idea, ask him if you could "try it out" for a summer, with the commitment that if it goes well, you can extend that to the next school year.